She was bold and did something out of her ordinary. What happens is not necessarily the outcome that I wanted, but I’m still glad that I got out of my comfort zone and tried something new. Who knows. Maybe I will run into Albuquerque again some day (insert shrug).
worth the wait
Keep the Door Closed
Photo by the one and only Alina Mamlyuk
I have learned many lessons in my life, especially in the last year. They were all completely necessary and vital to the success of my purpose. Perhaps the most powerful fact that I gained this season is to be thankful for the closed doors.
After I resigned from my job, I mourned the closed door for 3 solid months. I stood there looking at it hoping that in some way the door would crack open, the uncomfortable comfort would seep out and I would be who I thought I was supposed to be again. There came a moment when the grief was exhausting and I took a baby step away, then another and another. The door slowly but surely faded into the background of the beautiful hallway that I was traveling down. I failed to see it because I was too busy looking at a rickety, old, dilapidated door that was doing nothing for me and hadn’t served me for years even when I was inside of it.
That closed door introduced me to a gorgeous life. Without it, I would never have seen the beauty of the current day. I am so incredibly thankful for it. As a matter of fact when a door is closing, I slam that bad boy shut, seal it with nails and block myself from ever walking into that exit again. Some would call it cut throat. I call it clear direction. Closed doors create intentional forward movement because the only option you should make, is to walk away from them.
But of course as humans, not only do we stand there and look at the door, we also do everything in our power to pry it open. We will literally harm ourselves to get a glimpse of what God no longer wants us to see. About an hour ago, God closed a door for me. In the past I would have lunged at the knob and used all of my might to keep it open but instead I thanked God for His decision and wished the door well. I bid it adieu and kept it moving.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that I am walking towards the doors God wants me to walk through instead of entertaining the ones that are departed.
There are literally people (I was one of them) that reside in dead doorways. We fear whats on the other side of them so much, that we stay stagnant. We incarcerate our purpose in a memory.
I say all that to say this: don’t be that person.
There is no time to delay. Start following the map that God has literally laid out for you with every single closed door. While they don’t always make sense, they are concluded to create movement. Thank them for the experience and move onward my friend.
GIANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Click the image for the exclusive announcement in US Weekly
I have been sitting on this for MONTHS so I'm going to get right to it...
I am a cast member on season 3 of My Giant Life on TLC!!!
Errrrrrrrrrr. Stop the record. What!?! Alicia. That giant word goes against everything you stand for right?
Yes. It absolutely did.
The word GIANT had held me hostage since the first bully pierced me with it. It used to obliterate my confidence and crush my soul. In fact, when the show first came out I BLASTED it on my website. How dare they use that word in a show about tall women! I was ready to ride out with a sign, start a hunger strike and camp in front of the TLC headquarters in solidarity for my tall sisters. I refused to watch it and didn't until one day when I was approached to be on the show.
I watched season 2 and elected a committee comprised of friends and family to watch it too. After the viewing party, I thought it would be a great way to share my story and an amazing opportunity to be the first African American on the show but just couldn't get over the title.
Then, I started getting emails, texts and comments (from people that had no idea that I was being considered for the show, many I didn't even know) telling me that I should be on it. It was confirmation in so many ways but I STILL couldn't get over the word.
I continued to explore the process, prayed like crazy and sat down with the only person in this world that I know would give it to me straight...my Mama.
You do have a Giant Life she said. BOOM. The light turned on.
I was still letting THEM WIN.
I was letting their definition of a word become a fact in my life that was holding me back from my purpose. I was still believing a lie. I was letting the bullying linger and lock me down.
The truth is that I have GIANT faith, giant goals and an amazing, beautiful, God-given giant life that I am going to share with the world soon.
I shared a lot. From my virginity to issues with self-love, I bore pieces of my soul. I still shudder at my vulnerability at times. It's a gamble for sure but it's something I feel God has placed in my life for a reason. I am a ball of terrified excitement, placing faith over fear and I am so blessed to have you right there with me!
I will keep you updated. The coming weeks will be full of new experiences that I can't wait to share. Buckle up baby...it's time to jump in with both 12's...let's go!
American Idols
The definition of an idol is an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.
Wow. That explanation really hits you in your gut. The description in itself is revealing because right after you read it, something that is an idol in your life usually pops up. I know it did for me. What was it for you?
I actually have many that I’m trying to knock down one by one but for me personally the biggest culprit of them all is marriage.
Yes. The girl who is saving herself for marriage has made an idol of it. Not only did I worship the union, I literally looked at marriage as a source of joy. I just pined over the day when it would happen. I felt that I would be complete, I would be truly loved and to keep it 100 I would be able to have sex non-stop.
Girl. Stop it.
In actuality marriage will never complete you, your husband will inevitably let you down because he is human and sex isn’t the sole purpose of marriage. You are worshiping something that will never give you fulfillment.
I was giving the attainment of marriage a higher priority in my life than my relationship with God. I just knew those vows would unlock the life I had always envisioned when in actuality nothing BUT God can orchestrate the purpose of our walk in this life. He is the only true source of joy and everything we do is to bring glory to His purpose including matrimony.
I was making my future husband an idol, I was making sex an idol, I was making the actual walk down the aisle an idol…it was all wrapped up in one ugly roadblock that was hindering me from the only relationship that truly matters and that is the one that I have with God. My order was completely out of whack.
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33).
Now, should you enjoy all of the things that are encompassed in marriage? You better believe it. However it should not be the source, it should be a stunning byproduct of the relationship that you have with God. It should strengthen your purpose and give it power but in no way does it complete who you are and who He is to you.
For example, in my humble opinion, your husband should lead you towards God but shouldn’t be a god. He shouldn’t be held higher than Him. You should love your husband and cherish him, but in no way should he be your source of joy. Fostering it is one thing, being the cause is quite another. He (as will you) will fail. He is human. Disappointment is any relationship is inevitable. Making him an idol in many ways seals the deal on divorce because no matter what he does, he will never live up to that standard. Does that mean you accept anything your husband does? Absolutely not but you can’t expect god level things from him as he is not, nor will ever be God.
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24).
The craziest part about this whole marriage-idol thing is that I was really waiting on joy. It’s scary to think about that because what if marriage isn’t in God’s plan for me? Would I never experience joy? What a catastrophically devastating thought.
God’s joy surpasses your circumstances. It should be constant whether single, married, sick, healthy, poor or rich. Nothing earthly will satisfy the joy of God in your heart.
Nothing. For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
He gives you joy in every facet of your life…even in the trials.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-3).
At the end of the day do I still want all of these things? Ya best believe I do but now my focus is completely different. My eyes are set on Him and what He wants in my life.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
No longer do I look for earthly things to satisfy what God has already fulfilled in my heart. My picture is painted with His colors, not mine. Knowing that He works all of it for my good creates a joy that I will truly never comprehend, yet I am incredibly thankful for the sacrifice it took to make it. My direction and purpose truly are not my own and I have to trust what He permits within the path He has set for me.
Worth the Wait
One of my favorite channels, CENTRIC, interviewed me for their Designed for You series. We talked about a lot of things including my virginity. I definitely got real about waiting for the right one and can't wait to hear what you think!
Side note: this also made me miss my weave so don't be surprised if you see her soon lol. I love my natural hair but a break would be nice. Naturals...I know you feel me! These beautiful curls take work hunni!
Click on the image above to watch the interview. Thanks for listening to my virgin view:) Have a fabulous day and an even better weekend!
XONecole
Check out the full XONecole article HERE. Photo Credit: LaKeela Smith
We are completely built to tell our stories. When we share who we are and what we have been through, every single word makes an impact in ways that we can't even imagine. I dare you to tell your story to someone and see what happens.
With that said, I am completely honored to be a top feature on XONecole.com! It was a pleasure speaking with Kiah McBride. She did a phenomenal job telling my story and I am very grateful to both her, the entire XONecole team and the founder and Editor-In-Chief, Necole Kane. If you haven't checked out XONecole.com, please do! It is an amazing site, with a remarkable message and the path that Necole took to create it is both brave and inspiring.
Please let me know what you think about the feature...I would love to hear it:) Thank you so very much for reading!