virgin
Video by Karina Anglada. Photos by Nikki Notarte.
I may already know you but a refresher wouldn't hurt:) If this is our first time, it's so nice to meet you! We also need to talk about My Giant Life, my reasons for doing it and what you should NEVER say to a tall girl.
Please press play and don't forget to tune in to TLC this Sunday at 10/9c. See you there!
Style posts have taken over my life for some years now. People don't understand how much work they really are. Imagine every outfit you have worn in a 2 week span, constructed, gathered and shot in a single shoot. It's taxing. While this style schedule has been draining, this post is the first time in a long time that I actually had fun doing one.
In the past I put so much pressure on myself to look perfect, have the perfect on trend clothes and obsessed about angles. I was unknowingly creating an image that I could never live up to. I was doing you a disservice and I apologize for that.
I would toil over every detail and it was taxing.
No more.
Whenever I shoot these from now on, I will just let them unfold organically. Those veins on my hand will be poppin. If a hair is out of place, that is where it will sit. If my nails don't match, oh well. If I don't feel like rockin a trend, I won't. I will no longer push outside ideals of what I think I should be. That drug no longer has a place here.
For the past 6 months especially I have been stretched to the hilt. I have found out so many things about myself. I love the beautiful things and am repairing the ugly ones. My confidence is a constant werk in progress. It ebbs and flows. I don't want to preach that it is always positive. While our confidence is always there, no doubt there are days when it's exausted.
There will be many more days where I will need to build my strength. This doesn't make me weak, it makes me human.
And really I need to stop caring about what you think. I found myself caring more about your thoughts of my content than the purpose behind the pictures and words.
I absolutely enjoy sharing our stories and beautiful comments about life. It is one of my favorite things about being a blogger but I need to shed the act of caring what you and other people think. The only opinion that should matter is God's. He built me, He gave me my purpose and has made me exactly who I am. He and He alone is who I should be concerned with. I love you and will listen to anything you have to say but at the end of the day, He is the only opinion that matters. To fully live my life, I must walk tall in this fact every single day.
Sweatshirt - STUZO Clothing/Tall Mom Jeans - ASOS/Glasses - Opaque Eyewear/Kicks - Nike via Nordstrom Rack
Photo credit: Ashdav Photo
This is a revelation that came out of a 14 day period of non-stop anxiety about the show. When I dropped the trailer, anxiety enveloped every being of my body. I didn't like the reactions of some people, I didn't like the way I looked with my natural hair (silly yet real thought), questioned the telling of my story and a hundred other completely fabricated things. I built a false mountain out of a non-existent molehill.
I relied on my own view of the situation instead of relying on God's principles and promises for my life. He has given me this opportunity, told me to do it and will do great things with it despite what my view of it may be. Our steps of faith are hard and often confusing but lead to God's plan that is always better than anything we could ever piece together.
I say all of that to say this...stop trying to control your life and let God take the lead. Work on giving Him the reigns for good. Your life is strategically unfolding in the way that He wants it to. Get out of your own way and certainly get out of His. Listen to Him and unapologetically walk with Him. Be yourself, learn, grow, let go and let God be who He is.
Click the image for the exclusive announcement in US Weekly
I have been sitting on this for MONTHS so I'm going to get right to it...
I am a cast member on season 3 of My Giant Life on TLC!!!
Errrrrrrrrrr. Stop the record. What!?! Alicia. That giant word goes against everything you stand for right?
Yes. It absolutely did.
The word GIANT had held me hostage since the first bully pierced me with it. It used to obliterate my confidence and crush my soul. In fact, when the show first came out I BLASTED it on my website. How dare they use that word in a show about tall women! I was ready to ride out with a sign, start a hunger strike and camp in front of the TLC headquarters in solidarity for my tall sisters. I refused to watch it and didn't until one day when I was approached to be on the show.
I watched season 2 and elected a committee comprised of friends and family to watch it too. After the viewing party, I thought it would be a great way to share my story and an amazing opportunity to be the first African American on the show but just couldn't get over the title.
Then, I started getting emails, texts and comments (from people that had no idea that I was being considered for the show, many I didn't even know) telling me that I should be on it. It was confirmation in so many ways but I STILL couldn't get over the word.
I continued to explore the process, prayed like crazy and sat down with the only person in this world that I know would give it to me straight...my Mama.
You do have a Giant Life she said. BOOM. The light turned on.
I was still letting THEM WIN.
I was letting their definition of a word become a fact in my life that was holding me back from my purpose. I was still believing a lie. I was letting the bullying linger and lock me down.
The truth is that I have GIANT faith, giant goals and an amazing, beautiful, God-given giant life that I am going to share with the world soon.
I shared a lot. From my virginity to issues with self-love, I bore pieces of my soul. I still shudder at my vulnerability at times. It's a gamble for sure but it's something I feel God has placed in my life for a reason. I am a ball of terrified excitement, placing faith over fear and I am so blessed to have you right there with me!
I will keep you updated. The coming weeks will be full of new experiences that I can't wait to share. Buckle up baby...it's time to jump in with both 12's...let's go!
I would write a long piece to accompany this but I want you to watch it. Press play! Tell me what you think:)
PS. Thank you Sana and the entire Sana G Morning Show for always supporting me and my story. I appreciate it more than you ever know! Check out all of the SANACAST episodes right HERE.
The definition of an idol is an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.
Wow. That explanation really hits you in your gut. The description in itself is revealing because right after you read it, something that is an idol in your life usually pops up. I know it did for me. What was it for you?
I actually have many that I’m trying to knock down one by one but for me personally the biggest culprit of them all is marriage.
Yes. The girl who is saving herself for marriage has made an idol of it. Not only did I worship the union, I literally looked at marriage as a source of joy. I just pined over the day when it would happen. I felt that I would be complete, I would be truly loved and to keep it 100 I would be able to have sex non-stop.
Girl. Stop it.
In actuality marriage will never complete you, your husband will inevitably let you down because he is human and sex isn’t the sole purpose of marriage. You are worshiping something that will never give you fulfillment.
I was giving the attainment of marriage a higher priority in my life than my relationship with God. I just knew those vows would unlock the life I had always envisioned when in actuality nothing BUT God can orchestrate the purpose of our walk in this life. He is the only true source of joy and everything we do is to bring glory to His purpose including matrimony.
I was making my future husband an idol, I was making sex an idol, I was making the actual walk down the aisle an idol…it was all wrapped up in one ugly roadblock that was hindering me from the only relationship that truly matters and that is the one that I have with God. My order was completely out of whack.
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33).
Now, should you enjoy all of the things that are encompassed in marriage? You better believe it. However it should not be the source, it should be a stunning byproduct of the relationship that you have with God. It should strengthen your purpose and give it power but in no way does it complete who you are and who He is to you.
For example, in my humble opinion, your husband should lead you towards God but shouldn’t be a god. He shouldn’t be held higher than Him. You should love your husband and cherish him, but in no way should he be your source of joy. Fostering it is one thing, being the cause is quite another. He (as will you) will fail. He is human. Disappointment is any relationship is inevitable. Making him an idol in many ways seals the deal on divorce because no matter what he does, he will never live up to that standard. Does that mean you accept anything your husband does? Absolutely not but you can’t expect god level things from him as he is not, nor will ever be God.
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24).
The craziest part about this whole marriage-idol thing is that I was really waiting on joy. It’s scary to think about that because what if marriage isn’t in God’s plan for me? Would I never experience joy? What a catastrophically devastating thought.
God’s joy surpasses your circumstances. It should be constant whether single, married, sick, healthy, poor or rich. Nothing earthly will satisfy the joy of God in your heart.
Nothing. For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
He gives you joy in every facet of your life…even in the trials.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-3).
At the end of the day do I still want all of these things? Ya best believe I do but now my focus is completely different. My eyes are set on Him and what He wants in my life.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
No longer do I look for earthly things to satisfy what God has already fulfilled in my heart. My picture is painted with His colors, not mine. Knowing that He works all of it for my good creates a joy that I will truly never comprehend, yet I am incredibly thankful for the sacrifice it took to make it. My direction and purpose truly are not my own and I have to trust what He permits within the path He has set for me.
Check out the full XONecole article HERE. Photo Credit: LaKeela Smith
We are completely built to tell our stories. When we share who we are and what we have been through, every single word makes an impact in ways that we can't even imagine. I dare you to tell your story to someone and see what happens.
With that said, I am completely honored to be a top feature on XONecole.com! It was a pleasure speaking with Kiah McBride. She did a phenomenal job telling my story and I am very grateful to both her, the entire XONecole team and the founder and Editor-In-Chief, Necole Kane. If you haven't checked out XONecole.com, please do! It is an amazing site, with a remarkable message and the path that Necole took to create it is both brave and inspiring.
Please let me know what you think about the feature...I would love to hear it:) Thank you so very much for reading!
