Christmas Past

These are pretty pictures but I didn’t wear this dress to any holiday parties. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t invited to not a one.

It’s been strange. Actually even more strange than not working in an office anymore. Being apart from the corporate situation for nearly 6 months now, there have been many changes but for some reason this change is bizarre. When you leave your job you don’t think about things like that. You think of the overall picture, know that it’s not painted for you and free yourself but you don’t think of your situational social scene being snatched from you.

I grieved for a moment and shortly realized it was just that, situational. Who wants a holiday party full of faux cheer? I certainly don’t. A lot of revelations have occurred since I chose faith and this isn’t a mistake. When you take a path to purpose everything can’t come with you. While you don’t know what’s ahead, you must be different when you get there. That difference isn’t merely internal. You will lose a lot of external things. Many won’t make sense but what does, is God’s plan. He knows what needs to go. You gain much more than you lose when you trust him with the loss.

Do not pity me. She is truly the happiest she has been in years. Mourn for those that remain in the comfort of a Christmas party that is no longer serving them. This unused holiday dress is a revolution in growth.

Applaud the faith and pray for the woman that I am becoming. She looks strong to me. I can’t wait to see what God does with her life. He is already working wonders. Believe me.

Multiway Dress - Long Tall Sally (shown in a size 10)/ Shoes - Payless/Accessories - Forever21

Photos by Lakeela Smith

*This moment of truth is brought to you by a woman who is finally walking in hers. It’s a gorgeous walk and she is thankful for every step.

Say My Name

Tall suit - ASOS/Tall Bodysuit - ASOS/Necklace - Candid Art/Shoes - Calvin Klein via Nordstrom Rack

Photography and makeup - Nikki Notarte

Today I presented a concept at work that I have been cultivating for over 2 years now. It was the 4th time I had pitched the idea and I’m happy to report that it was well received. I was and am elated that my idea will go in to motion but I realized something about my presentation today that was and is incredibly disturbing…

I never put my name on it.

Somehow I believed that my idea that I had poured into, crafted and toiled to bring to the surface didn’t deserve my name.

Yes. This could be an honest mistake but “mistakes” like these often have a deeper meaning.

I, like probably every woman on the planet, have had to fight at times for my opinion to be taken seriously because I am a woman. I have been undervalued simply because of my gender. There have even been times when the good ol boys club purposefully excluded me from information that was imperative to my success. And the list unfortunately goes on…

All of these things are hurtful and silently damaging to the strongest of women. They chip away at you and if you aren’t careful dry rot your confidence. You start second guessing yourself and before you know it, adopt the exact insecurities they are dealing and leave your name off of your masterpiece.

What we need to realize is that the club rejects us for a reason; we are a clear and present threat. The people that discriminate against women, both consciously and subconsciously, do it because THEY are insecure. It’s a symptom of their sick ideology. It’s not for you to understand but it’s certainly something that you can’t consume. Leave it right there on the table.

I say this as someone who let it get to me, gave in from time to time and believed the lies to her core. I let them use my strength against me but NO MAS.

I will stand up for myself, know I am fully capable, continually voice my opinions and protect my space at all costs. This woman is here to roar and most certainly will use a permanent marker to write her full government name on anything she accomplishes.

Get out those sharpies ladies…it’s time to sign your names like you have never signed before! We have a lot of ground to cover. I say we start with their foreheads ;-)

Steady on the Track

Photo credit: Shannon Warf. Original post: Skirt Spotting.

Recently, I had a close friend tell me that a concern that some men may have when it comes to dating me is that I (as a virgin) would not be able to satisfy them.

That statement hurt me to my core. I cried. I cried a lot. It was a gut puncher. How could something that I think is so special, be a potential reason why I am still single? I have definitely felt that way many times but never had someone say it to me in such a direct manner. So many things went through my mind until it hit me…

If anyone should be concerned about being satisfied, it should be me.

You see, the misconception that virgins have no idea what they are doing is completely false. If anyone knows their bodies well and know what they like…it’s a virgin. We have had ample time to get acquainted with self and furthermore we have had a plethora of time to make a complete and thorough list of what we want to do. With all of that said, it is a gamble for ME to bank on 1 (one) person to be able to satisfy all of these wants and needs. How do I know that this person has what it takes to give me all of the wonders that I deserve and have been so patiently waiting for?

I don’t and that is a risk that I am willing to take. Saving my virginity for my husband is not just about sex. Do I want to have sex? Of course (and badly). My virginity is hard to keep. It is something that I battle to maintain on a daily basis. It has been tested a time or twenty but at the end of the day the goal is to keep this for him and only him. I guarantee, whomever he is, will deserve it and you better believe will not have a question about the amazing gift that I have worked so hard to protect and deliver.

My tears turned into a valuable lesson. While in no way do I think my friend intentionally meant harm, a statement like that from anyone shouldn't make you feel bad about your goal, rather it should validate that you were specifically picked to handle it. Not everyone can handle or recognize the value in an objective that you are pursuing and that is OK. Continue to pursue it anyway. It is your vision, not theirs. Listen to what people have to say but never let their misgivings about your plan deter you from attaining something that God put in your heart. He didn't place it in theirs, He placed it in yours so keep at it despite the naysayers. Often a person who is questioning your pursuit is doing it because they don't have the strength to begin one on their own.  

You are built to win. Stay steady on the track. Don't let mere words derail what God has already guaranteed.