I Give Up

Admittedly my love life has kind of sucked. There have been a lot of lows and some amazing moments which enabled me to completely understand what love is and why it is so important to have it in some capacity in your life. I have toiled over the reasons why it is taking me so long to find it. There have been tears, confusion and often times sheer anger that it has not come my way. I have had years of constant control along this road that have led me to one life-changing conclusion...

I don't have control over it at all.

Yes. My steering of the love ship has been fruitless because God is the one who should be steering it. While it may be His choice for me to be single, there is a reason for it and no matter what I do, His plan for my life will prevail. There isn't a worry, a moment of anger or a pit of confusion that will stop it, so why am I wasting that energy? Quite simply...

I. GIVE. UP.

That's right. I completely and totally give up the control to God. I lay it down right in front of Lord knowing that it was always yours in the first place. You have merely been waiting for the moment for me to give it to you. IT IS YOURS!

I will not toil over it, run after it or try to figure it out. I will not plan it out in my head or orchestrate a picture in my mind of who it will be. When it comes to love, if it doesn't come from you, I don't want it. Point. Blank. Period.

I am completely open to your picture of it. I know that love will come in an unlikely package and it will be the best one that I have ever opened. God, I know that if it is in your will, it is you and you alone that will make it happen. Your will for love in my life be done.

And really...this should translate to EVERYTHING in our lives. If God doesn't send it, return that bad boy right to the sender. He orchestrates everything in our lives for our good because we love Him. Control in everything is not yours, it is HIS.

This is undoubtedly easier said than done but try your hardest to take a breath, drop that elephant of anxiety from your chest and rest in His perfect timing.  The picture He paints is different for each and every one of us but one thing is for sure...they are ALL masterpieces. 

SHIRT - God is Dope | Shoes - Target (shown in size 12, sorry out of stock, similar HERE) | Ankle Pants - ASOS Tall (similar HERE) | Crossbody - Forever 21 | Earrings - Candid Art

Photo credit - Lakeela Smith

One Giant Night

Photo by Nikki Notarte

Today is a GIANT day for many reasons..

1. Season 3 of My Giant Life on TLC premieres TONIGHT at 10/9c! I am blessed to have been added to the cast. I am proud to be the first African American cast member and hope that ALL women find inspiration through the lives of the women on the show.

2. I am stepping ALL THE WAY outside my comfort zone. Listen, putting your story in the hands of someone else is completely uncomfortable. It has stretched me and in turn I have grown in ways that I never would have. I now see the beauty in being uncomfortable and I know that no matter what comes out of this show, that I will be better in the end and God will ultimately use it for my good. It certainly will not look that way that I think it should, but I rest in the fact that it will be exactly what it needs to be.

3. I get to share my story on a major level. I was built to tell my story. It's part of my purpose. This opportunity was mapped out for me before I was even born. Having the faith to be so vulnerable in front of hundreds of thousands of people is a step of obedience. I am blessed to have been given this responsibility. If I inspire just one person from this show, my transparency will have been worth it.

4. This is a huge step in loving myself completely. Man...when ya girl saw the trailer I was like ummmm that's not the way I look! I freaked out. I wasn't used to seeing myself with natural hair (as I stopped wearing a weave a short time before the filming), the angles aren't the most flattering and I indeed look taller than everyone else. Well Alicia, I hate to break it to you (in my sarcastic voice) but you are. See, we tend to only show the world our best angles. We can scream we love ourselves from the mountain tops until the perspective changes. Can your confidence remain strong despite an unsavory viewpoint? Will you continue to stay resilient despite what others think and say? Without a doubt, this is a test of self-love and I'm here to pass it.

5. It's an accomplishment. It took a lot of work to get to this point and really, this is just the beginning. I'm going to work harder than ever but tomorrow is a time to celebrate this milestone in my journey.

6. I get to share this win with all of you. God has given me a community that I share every accomplishment with. I am honored to be on this journey with friends and family which includes you. We are standing Talll every day, in every way together and today is no different. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me!

Those are just some of the many reasons that today is truly a giant of a day. Check out the preview below as well as a segment that I did with Right this minute previewing tonight's premiere. I am blessed to have had many opportunities to tell my story which I will share with you soon!

See you tonight at 10/9c...it's going to be a wild ride!

Click for a preview of season 3 of My Giant Life

I had so much fun with the Right This Minute Crew. Click to check out my segment on RTM!

Blindsided

Photo Credit: MyFatPocket

I am a great woman.

This is not self-centered, this is a fact. I have crafted her over 36 years and I am pleased with her. Do I have my faults? You better believe it. But the fact remains that I am certain that I am someone that God is proud of, that I am proud of and I continually work to make great.

Then why in the Sam Hill am I single?

I see women, every single day, getting swooped up and carted off to what appears to be a happily ever after. Meanwhile, I’m walking through a sea of men who seem to be blind to my presence. No matter what I do, they refuse to see me…

or is it simply that THEY CANT.

A man (or woman) will never see you if they are not looking for you. They literally have you blocked out. If they are not seeking or are intimidated by your attributes, they are blind to your presence no matter how amazing you are. In no way does this lessen your greatness; it just means that your view is not meant for them.

Whatever you do, do not fight for their sight. That is something you can never change. Simply continue to be and work on you, until the crisp clear vision or your person locks into place. You want that vision to be crystal because impaired site ultimately causes damage.

Remember those happily ever after moments that you keep seeing? Some of those may be a blurred mess of motions. Not everyone seeks clarity these days. Many settle for unclear intentions, that stop short of what they know they deserve, to attain temporary comfort. Don’t ever assume that their grass is greener.

The others are really, truly happy! And this is what we should all want for each other. Celebrate love and wait for your own tailor-made story. Not another one will ever be written in the same way. Relish in the fact that when it comes, it will be for you and him only.

Now, here comes the hard part…

What is your blinder?

Yes. We can have them too and quite frankly, they could be blocking you from seeing your person. Maybe you acquired your blinder through pain. Maybe it covers your eyes through pride. It quite possibly could have been placed by someone else and you just don’t have the strength to lift it yet. Maybe you don’t have one at all and you are completely open to encounter the very one who is meant to see you.

All of these are possibilities but it’s up to you to pinpoint, diagnose and repair if needed. Do not be the one that is walking around these crazy streets blind. You will never paint a clear picture with anyone until you gain personal clarity.

Continue your work in progress. Effort diligently, with intention, in prayer and continue to walk forward in faith. He promises that it will all unfold in your favor!

Pop Quizzes and Speed Bumps

This story has been on my heart since last week. I am not sure why I am sharing it, but know that there is a purpose for it.

On this particular day I was extremely tired, in a bad mood but had a lot to accomplish. I was running errands at lunch and noticed a woman who was riddled with illness. Her hands were permanently clenched, back painfully arched and both legs were barely keeping her up. She had a cane and was literally stepping in inches to her destination.

Regardless of her illness, her pride was shining through. She wasn’t giving up. Even if it took her hour to get down the corridor, she was going to make it on her own. I wanted to help her but could tell that it would be an insult to do so. She was determined to beat her body. Her mind wouldn’t let her physical state win.

I immediately felt ashamed of my ridiculous worries and insignificant feelings. Who was I to inflict self-strife for such futile emotions? She had every reason to throw an extravagant pity party and chose life, faith and focus. With tears welling up in my eyes, I looked away from her in sheer disgust for myself.

And then she stopped,

smiled,

demanded eye contact,

and said hello to me.

Her hello was a distinct lesson for me. She was not her illness, she was a person walking forward in faith through the fire who would not let me walk by without showing me that I could do it too.

I have been through a lot in my life, weathered many storms, but the insignificant day-to-day ‘struggles’ in many ways affect me more than life changing events. Why do I have insurmountable faith in overcoming large obstacles in my life and not the same resolve for the speed bumps that happen on a daily basis? If this woman could take the time out to smile through her enormous test how could I continuously fail pop quizzes?

The answer is, I can, I will and you can too. No matter what is going on, from tiny to gigantic, walk in constant faith knowing that this is all in the plan. Every state is there to shape you into the exact form that you need to be in to execute God’s plans for you. The tests prepare you for the execution. They all require faith. One isn’t any more important than the other. Stand tall and learn from them rather than wallowing in the discomfort they create.

I am going to make a concerted effort to live these words and maybe I wrote this to show you that you can do it too. Thanks for listening.  

Saving Alicia Jay

On January 3rd I wrote:

In the past month I have had an urge to share more. I feel like God wants me to expand this blog to talking more about our tall lives than just style. What may seem like a small shift of a couple of paragraphs, is going to do great things inside my life and I pray in those that read them. A resolution that I have is to stretch and become more vulnerable and I refuse to let my fear overcome what I know God wants me to do.

Well, my fear got me yall. It’s January 26th and I have been avoiding this blog like the plague. I have no idea why because what I am about to share is one of the things I am most proud of in my life.

Yes, it may have cost me some so-called friends, it may have caused me immense frustration and it may have been the reason for many of my breakups but it is something that I have known from a young age was meant for one person and one person only.

Yep.

My virginity.

I am a 6’6”, black and white, super single, 34 year old virgin.

No, I am not going to preach to you about how virginity is the only way to go. It’s a personal choice that I made for me and I am just here to tell my story. If you draw anything from it, great! If not, no problemo.

My story of virginity is definitely not the typical media version that you see. Its real, filled with emotion, hormones, close calls and pure love and devotion for someone I haven’t even met yet. This story is what virginity is really like in 2015. And guess what, I am going to write a book all about it.

Now, I have no idea when this book will be finished but I do know that I would like to share the journey with you. It’s something I need to get out on paper and share because look, I am not going to be single forever! God will send me my husband and I need to tell the story of being a virgin while I still am one.

Don’t worry, I will still be posting personal style shots, talking tall fashion and dishing about our tall, fabulous lives but my journey to publishing my first book on real virginity will be intertwined in the thread. Saving myself for marriage is one of the things that makes me stand tall every day and I can’t wait to share my story with each and every one of you.

Ok…let me post this before I lose my nerve. It’s hard to get personal but God told me to and you sure can’t say no to Him!